Borie Torie

Title: Boris Johnson gives Tories a boost with London mayoral win

Subject: Johnson beats rival Ken Livingstone to secure second four-year term as London's mayor

Web address: http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/may/05/boris-johnson-london-win

Date: Saturday 5 May 2012 02.02 BST

Summary

Boris Johnson gave the Conservatives a much needed boost as he secured a second London mayoral term for which he beat Labour rival with a 51.53% approval rate over Ken Livingstone’s 48.47%. The wait for the results turned into a nail-biting prolonged count down because there were glitches in the counting process. Johnson promised to be “fighting for a good deal for Londoners”. Livingstone labels this loss as the most bitter defeat in a political career spanning more than four decades. Johnson hopes to go for a non-taxpayer funded drink with Livingstone and describes him as the most original and creative Labour opponent.

Opinion

The problem with Johnson for me is that even if I don’t agree with all of his political standpoints I still think he’s a great bloke. He always comes across as a flabbergasted doofus which holds a high entertainment value. This is also my concern for his re-election. How many Londoners voted for him because they think he’s a funny guy and how many voted for him for political reasons? A mayor holds a very important position in the governing of a city not only on the inside but also towards the outside world. And he may have the goofy charm that is needed to make politics interesting again but does he have the right political views for the city?

Congratulations, it’s a fine!

Title: Drink-driving midwife had gin and tonic in her car
Subject: Janice Hawke found with bottle of gin, tonic water and slices of lemon in her car has been banned from driving for three years
Web address: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/may/01/drink-driving-midwife-gin-tonic
Date: Tuesday 1 May 2012 15.59 BST

Summary
A midwife who was caught drink-driving with a bottle of gin, tonic water and slices of lemon in her car has been banned from the road for three years. Janice Hawke, 57, was approached by a member of the public after she pulled up outside a shop. The court heard how Hawke was extremely distressed on the day of the offence after the death of her uncle. Hawke has one previous conviction for drink-driving in 2005. She is employed as a midwife in the community and she stands to lose her employment. Hawke pleaded guilty at Plymouth magistrates court in Devon to failing to provide a specimen. She was banned from driving, given 12 months' community service, and ordered to pay £85 in costs.

Opinion
It’s funny how this made it onto the online front page of one of the more respectable newspapers of the United Kingdom. It is just another drunk driver, but hold the effing presses people! She is a midwife, national outrage! What has become of the human race, how could we get this far as a species?! Please, calm down and carry on my wayward son. It is horrible that people drink and drive, but I have to say, carrying around a glass with lemon slices and all the other ingredients for a quite successful gin and tonic shows a kind of planning you wouldn’t immediately link to a drink ‘n’ drive.

Boobies! :D

Title: Breast surgeons back withdrawal of 'lunchtime boob job' jab

Subject: Plastic surgeons in the UK have welcomed the decision to discontinue a treatment used in breast enhancements.

Web address: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-17794288

Date: 21 April 2012 Last updated at 13:42 GMT

Summary

Macrolane, an ingredient for so called “lunchtime boobjobs”, is being withdrawn because of a survey that found that 25% of breast surgeons found patient complications. Experts have said that Macrolane could affect mammograms and therefore the detection of breast cancer. A “lunchtime boobjob” requires no implants and only an injection of a filler substance. It was believed to be less invasive but BAAPS (British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons) president Fazel Fatah said that any treatment can only be considered safe once it is known what long term effect it has on cancer screenings. Macrolane could also form harmless but troubling lumps in the breasts.

Opinion

The face of every male breast surgeon

A “lunchtime boobjob” doesn’t necessarily have to happen at lunch, just wanted to clear that up. I feel that the handling of enlargement of boobs should never endanger the woman getting the breast enhancement. Of course every form of implant or injections could throw off a mammogram or a so called “hands on” breast cancer check for both cause a substance unknown to the body to form “lumps which could be mistaken for tumors. A woman should be wary of those facts but it is still her choice to get bigger breasts or not. I think I handled this issue very maturely.

Stop working, get food.

Title: Free school meals changes 'could discourage work'

Subject: Planned changes to the free school meals (FSM) system could put thousands of low-income families in England off working, a charity says.

Web address: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-17765533

Date: 19 April 2012 Last updated at 11:23 GMT

Summary

A Universal Credit in 2013 will allow kids from low income families to get free school meals. The Children’s Society says that thousands of families may choose to work less to qualify as such. Children’s Minister Sarah Teather said that there should be changes to how free school meals are allocated. This would also change which schools get extra funds to provide said free school meals. Parents would be able to work less and lower their income to reach a yearly income of 7500 pounds or less to give their kids the chance to live of free school meals.

Opinion

I personally don’t see how people would even think of lessening their work just because their children are being fed without them having to pay for it. It’s not as if they don’t need food for themselves or clothes or money for the rent. So how would not having to pay for those two sandwiches or one warm meal a day influence their work hours? I think people would still want their “pocket-money” and a free meal for their kids probably won’t change that. But then again, people have done weirder things.

No funny pictures here, sorry for that.

Kill without consequence

Title: British soldier will not be charged over killing of Afghan

Subject: A british soldier gets away guilt free because there is not enough evidence to prove murder

Web address: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/apr/16/british-soldier-not-charged-afghan-murder

Date: Monday 16 April 2012 15.50 BST

Summary

Duane Knott, a member of the Territorial Army, came under investigation after shooting an Afghan man six times of which two shots were to the back. He suspected the Afghan to be a terrorist as he saw the man digging a hole in a field 400 meters away from the army base and reaching for a packet which looked like it contained bombs. The Service Prosecuting Authority (SPA) has concluded that there is not enough evidence present to prove that it was a case of murder instead of a prevention of terrorism.

Opinion

I will not get too far into the whole Afghan war stuff, I know we’re supposed to support the “western” forces but I just don’t know. It’s all a bit too complicated. As for shooting a man in the back, there’s not honour in that but then there is no honour in modern warfare. I do feel that the Afghan man deserved a chance to try to explain himself and his actions. If he hadn’t tried to talk but still would have gone for the package the British soldier could’ve shot to kill for all I care. What I find a bit weird is that there was no evidence at all. There is no information about the “package”, I’d like to know what it contained.

                      Seemed appropriate, and I didn't want to make a package joke

Beating – Monkey dick! - Tourette’s

Title: Tourette's Syndrome: A heroic response

Subject: A woman’s life with tourette’s syndrome

Web address: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/tourettes-syndrome-a-heroic-response-7648085.html

Date: Tuesday 17 April 2012

Summary
Jess Thom is a woman who battles her Tourette’s syndrome (TS) by putting on a hero costume. She first noticed the TS when she was 6 years old and it has gotten worse since up to a point of her having to wear protective gear to protect her from her own physical TS fits. Her TS fits mostly consist of blurting out random sentences that at times can be quite poetic. She founded Touretteshero with her friend Matthew Pounty. Touretteshero aims to increase awareness for TS by posting her blurts online and inviting artists to make pictures describing those blurts. Jess says: “It's about changing the view of people with disabilities as victims or scroungers and seeing them as professionals, whilst having a sense of humour about it."

Opinion

I find that Jess Thom is a very brave woman for coping with a worsening disease that she has next to no control over. Using humour in the process is a technique advised by many a psychologist (own experience) and she does so expertly going to the point of giving the words she said to unknown artists to toy with. My favourite blurts would be:  "Lego is for life, not just for Christmas" and "Derren Brown is in the room – shut your mind!" Because Lego is awesome and Derren Brown is an evil man.

No Bounty for Obama

Title: Labour peer denies calling for bounty on Barack Obama

Subject: Lord Ahmed denies wanting to pay 10 million for “catching” of Obama

Web address: http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/apr/16/labour-peer-denies-obama-remarks

Date: Monday 16 April 2012 18.45 BST

Summary

Lord Ahmed denies having said that he wants to put a price of 10 million on Obama’s head which he allegedly said after the announcement of a 10 million bounty put on the head of Hafiz Saeed. Ahmed claims that he has not been given a chance to give his views. The Express Tribune claims that Ahmed has said the following: “If the US can announce a reward of $10m for the capture of Hafiz Saeed, I can announce a bounty of £10m on President Obama and his predecessor George Bush." Ahmed denies having said that but admits that he has stated that Bush and Blair should be brought before international court for their alleged war crimes in Afghanistan.

Opinion

A 10 million bounty (I presume that would be in pounds) sounds pretty nice. Seeing as 57 gram standard bounty costs about 50 pence a 10 million pound bounty (that’s pounds as in price not as in weight) would weigh roughly 114000 kilograms, which would probably convert to a hundred thousand kilograms of coconut goodness and fourteen thousand pounds of chocolate covering. I see why a British lord would deny the USA president such a treat. But then again, Obama is probably a Snickers guy.

                               Obama after being denied a giant bounty

I feel that I might have misunderstood the article.