Call the Gypsy (large knowledge of german metal history needed for this reference)

Title: Couple who can't sell £450k home because it's next to gypsy camp plan to bulldoze it and turn land into... a caravan site 

Subject: Couple who can't sell £450k home because it's next to gypsy camp plan to bulldoze it and turn land into... a caravan site 

Web address: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2155709/Couple-sell-450k-home-gypsy-camp-plan-bulldoze-turn-land--caravan-site.html

Date: Thursday, Jun 07 2012

Summary

A Gypsy

Phil and Kathleen Lacey put their four-bedroom country bungalow up for sale when their grown-up children moved out. But when people viewed the property they were put off by a gypsy caravan site which has spread out alongside their home. The couple says they are not moving because of any problems with the gypsy community at the official travelers’ site in the village of Shirenewton, near Cardiff. Gypsies at the site yesterday welcomed Mr Lacey’s plans saying they need twice the space to accommodate people wishing to move to Shirenewton. Travelers on the site said it was a form of racism that people lost interest in the Lacey’s bungalow when they discovered the caravan site next door.

Opinion

It is very kind of these fine British citizens to extend the space of their soon to be ex home to their long time neighbours who are shortly stereotyped as Gypsies. The fact that these gypsies live next to the home sadly sinks the willingness of other people wanting to buy the beautiful house in a even more beautiful area. I would very much like to live there, but my current amount and sadly absence of money does not allow me to. The Lacey’s claim to not be leaving because of problems with their neighbours and I believe them.

Drugs are Baaaaaaaad

Title: Police in 'legal highs' warning after teen dies at RockNess Festival

Subject: Police and health authorities raise concerns over designer drug known as 'Benzo Fury'

Web address: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/police-in-legal-highs-warning-after-teen-dies-at-rockness-festival-7834602.html

Date: SUNDAY 10 JUNE 2012

Summary

Police are warning festival goers against taking so-called “legal highs” after a teenager died and two other people were taken to hospital at the RockNess Festival in Scotland today. A 19-year-old man collapsed in the main arena of the festival on Saturday night and died early this morning at Raigmore Hospital in Inverness. A second 19-year-old man and a 20-year-old woman were also taken to the hospital earlier today and are recovering. Drugs are believed to be involved in all three incidents. Police and health authorities say they are particularly concerned about a “legal high” or designer drug known as Benzo Fury.

Opinion

It is horrible that someone died at a festival, it should not have been possible to have happened and someone must pay for his. The whole idea of a legal high slightly amuses me since in the Netherlands you are always allowed to get high when you are above the age of eighteen. But it is really their own fault for not thinking about the risks that might be involved in taking drugs. So it is mainly own responsibility. On the other hand however there is no one to hold partly responsible for this because whenever you sell people something it is still possible to not have done enough research and it might be dangerous for anyone to take it. Or as Elvis Costello once brilliantly said: See video next to text.

Dance Gallagher, DANCE!

Title: Noel Gallagher turns down Strictly Come Dancing gig

Subject: NOEL GALLAGHER has had a few surreal moments in his rock ’n’ roll career.

Web address: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/4358795/Oasis-Noel-Gallagher-turns-down-name-your-price-offer-from-Strictly-Come-Dancing-bosses.html

Date: Thu, 07 Jun 2012

Summary

There was champagne with Tony Blair at Downing Street, the madness of Knebworth in ’96 and a few weeks back he watched his beloved Manchester City rip the Premier League crown from bitter rivals United in injury time on the last day of the football season. And now the BBC has given him a name-your-price offer for Noel to appear on Strictly Come Dancing. Last night Noel said: “I’m flattered. I’d have done it an’ all as I’ve recently mastered the sticky task of c***** while dancing. Just for one magical moment, imagine Sir Brucie of Forsyth uttering the words: “Nice to see Noel, to see Noel... ”

Opinion

This whole dancing with anything on anything does not grab my attention. Unless it is dancing on lego bricks whilst juggling flaming dagger puking chainsaws, I will not turn on my television to watch already rich people enter a contest to lose all rock and roll credibility and human dignity in a spangly and degrading outfit that leaves nothing to imagination. I am therefore very glad that Noel kindly refused with a comment that is neither mean nor too friendly. Even though Oasis never impressed me much I respect what they did for the music industry.

Forcing is Baaaaad

Title: Forced marriage expected to become a crime

Subject: Forcing someone to marry is set to be made a crime after David Cameron rejected claims that doing so would simply drive the practice underground.

Web address: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/9315181/Forced-marriage-expected-to-become-a-crime.html

Date: 7:00AM BST 07 Jun 2012

Summary

Almost 1,700 people a year in Britain – most of them women from Pakistani or Bangladeshi backgrounds – come forward to voice fears that their family is plotting to force them into a marriage against their will. David Cameron has condemned the practice as like “slavery” but it is not currently illegal in Britain to make someone to get married against their will. Complete criminalisation would represent a victory for campaigners such as Jasvinder Sanghera, herself a former victim who now runs the charity Karma Nirvana and the support group and helpline The Honour Network.

Opinion

How is something that has “forced” in it not a crime? Forcing something is usually not a positive thing. The fact that I could not come up with any forced thing that could even be remotely positive shows that it is nigh impossible for something forced to be positive since I have a vivid imagination. I also do not see how there could be any discussion about the outlawing of forced marriages. It sounds criminal, it is criminal, let’s make it a crime. Discussion closed. Any people who might disagree with this point of view, please see me in my trailer.

Footballer Gets His Balls Footed.

Title: Joey Barton hit in face outside Garlands nightclub in Liverpool

Subject: Joey Barton hit in face outside Garlands nightclub in Liverpool

Web address: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/joey-barton-hit-in-face-outside-garlands-nightclub-in-liverpool-7814922.html

Date: MONDAY 04 JUNE 2012

Summary

Joey Barton was punched in the face by two men of which one was arrested. This is not the first time this has happened he gets beaten up quite a lot due to his controversial on and off pitch life. He also tweets in a very opinionated manner which pisses off quite a lot of people. Police were immediately on the scene and had to hold back a shirtless Joey Barton, Barton’s girlfriends helped in the holding back process. Barton has been portrayed badly in the news four times in 2004, once in 2005, twice in 2006, twice in 2007, once in 2008, once in 2009, once in 2010, once in 2011 and so far five times in 2012.

Opinion

A man was punched in his face after leaving a bar, why? Because he has opinions. Why is this news? Because he is a footballer. Can we now get on with real news. No? Okay, I will enlargen my opinion. The fact that footballers are famous is because they can kick around a ball on a field really well, sometimes they even play in a team format, more often than not they forget that they are not alone on the field. The biggest problem here is that footballers might get quite arrogant and see their opinions as facts. And everybody knows that is only the case regarding me. 

Marksman Mayhem

Title: Michael Pritchard inquest: Soldier accidentally shot

Subject: A soldier believed to have been killed by a British sniper in Afghanistan was accidentally shot while on active service, a coroner has said.

Web address: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-18159894

Date: 23 may 2012

Summary

L/Cpl Michael Pritchard, of the 4th Regiment, Royal Military Police, was shot dead in Sangin in 2009. He was deployed to watch a blind spot on the road and make sure the Taliban wasn´t planting bombs. The bullet that killed Pritchard was shot by L/Cpl Malcolm Graham, of the Royal Scots Borderers, 1st Battalion. Graham´s mistake has been writen up to being Graham being tired in vulnerable and unrational circumstances. Although the mistake could´ve been avoided. Pritchard´s parents say that the army has taken no actions regarding the mistake and death of their son. Pritchard´s commander praises him as a brave professional soldier who made a huge impact on the regiment.

Opinion

I find it very weird that someone can be shot to the chest and abdomen with one bullet, it is quite an achievement and sign of very good marksmanship. Sadly it was fired at an ally instead of an enemy. There are two things that are evenly bad about the whole scenario. One is that the parents of said dead soldier have not gotten any form of apology or mention or any of the sort after three years. The other is that there were british soldiers in Afghanistan to support the ego of the USA.

They May Take Our Lives But They Will Never Take Our Beerrrrrr!

Title: Cut alcohol intake to just a quarter pint of beer a day, experts advise

Subject: Researchers say in report that drastic reduction in guideline amounts could save 4,600 lives a year in England

Web address: http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/may/30/cut-alcohol-intake-quarter-pint-daily

Date: Wednesday 30 May 2012 23.30 BST

Summary

People should drink just a half unit of alcohol daily in order to cut the number of deaths from cancer, liver disease and other conditions linked to drinking, health experts are urging. Henry Ashworth, chief executive of the Portman Group, a social responsibility body funded by the drinks industry, said that "78% of people in the UK drink within recommended low risk guidelines, as set by the chief medical officers". He added: "Drastically cutting everyone's consumption to half a unit a day – that is, one large glass of wine a week – is not the way to reduce harms in the small group who misuse alcohol and need specific and targeted help."

Opinion

There is no use cutting people´s alcohol intake. How are you going to monitor it. Put people in each and every bar who send the guests home after one drink? That will cost a lot of money not only to pay those people but also because the selling of alcohol brings in lots of taxes. So by regulating alcohol sales you are regulating money away from the treasury. This is the same idea as with the whole smoking ban and increase on the price of cigarettes. Smokers bring in lots of money so why make them quit. Unhealthy people bring in lots of money and die too soon to cost any. Credit crunch avoided.

Borie Torie

Title: Boris Johnson gives Tories a boost with London mayoral win

Subject: Johnson beats rival Ken Livingstone to secure second four-year term as London's mayor

Web address: http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/may/05/boris-johnson-london-win

Date: Saturday 5 May 2012 02.02 BST

Summary

Boris Johnson gave the Conservatives a much needed boost as he secured a second London mayoral term for which he beat Labour rival with a 51.53% approval rate over Ken Livingstone’s 48.47%. The wait for the results turned into a nail-biting prolonged count down because there were glitches in the counting process. Johnson promised to be “fighting for a good deal for Londoners”. Livingstone labels this loss as the most bitter defeat in a political career spanning more than four decades. Johnson hopes to go for a non-taxpayer funded drink with Livingstone and describes him as the most original and creative Labour opponent.

Opinion

The problem with Johnson for me is that even if I don’t agree with all of his political standpoints I still think he’s a great bloke. He always comes across as a flabbergasted doofus which holds a high entertainment value. This is also my concern for his re-election. How many Londoners voted for him because they think he’s a funny guy and how many voted for him for political reasons? A mayor holds a very important position in the governing of a city not only on the inside but also towards the outside world. And he may have the goofy charm that is needed to make politics interesting again but does he have the right political views for the city?

Congratulations, it’s a fine!

Title: Drink-driving midwife had gin and tonic in her car
Subject: Janice Hawke found with bottle of gin, tonic water and slices of lemon in her car has been banned from driving for three years
Web address: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/may/01/drink-driving-midwife-gin-tonic
Date: Tuesday 1 May 2012 15.59 BST

Summary
A midwife who was caught drink-driving with a bottle of gin, tonic water and slices of lemon in her car has been banned from the road for three years. Janice Hawke, 57, was approached by a member of the public after she pulled up outside a shop. The court heard how Hawke was extremely distressed on the day of the offence after the death of her uncle. Hawke has one previous conviction for drink-driving in 2005. She is employed as a midwife in the community and she stands to lose her employment. Hawke pleaded guilty at Plymouth magistrates court in Devon to failing to provide a specimen. She was banned from driving, given 12 months' community service, and ordered to pay £85 in costs.

Opinion
It’s funny how this made it onto the online front page of one of the more respectable newspapers of the United Kingdom. It is just another drunk driver, but hold the effing presses people! She is a midwife, national outrage! What has become of the human race, how could we get this far as a species?! Please, calm down and carry on my wayward son. It is horrible that people drink and drive, but I have to say, carrying around a glass with lemon slices and all the other ingredients for a quite successful gin and tonic shows a kind of planning you wouldn’t immediately link to a drink ‘n’ drive.

Boobies! :D

Title: Breast surgeons back withdrawal of 'lunchtime boob job' jab

Subject: Plastic surgeons in the UK have welcomed the decision to discontinue a treatment used in breast enhancements.

Web address: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-17794288

Date: 21 April 2012 Last updated at 13:42 GMT

Summary

Macrolane, an ingredient for so called “lunchtime boobjobs”, is being withdrawn because of a survey that found that 25% of breast surgeons found patient complications. Experts have said that Macrolane could affect mammograms and therefore the detection of breast cancer. A “lunchtime boobjob” requires no implants and only an injection of a filler substance. It was believed to be less invasive but BAAPS (British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons) president Fazel Fatah said that any treatment can only be considered safe once it is known what long term effect it has on cancer screenings. Macrolane could also form harmless but troubling lumps in the breasts.

Opinion

The face of every male breast surgeon

A “lunchtime boobjob” doesn’t necessarily have to happen at lunch, just wanted to clear that up. I feel that the handling of enlargement of boobs should never endanger the woman getting the breast enhancement. Of course every form of implant or injections could throw off a mammogram or a so called “hands on” breast cancer check for both cause a substance unknown to the body to form “lumps which could be mistaken for tumors. A woman should be wary of those facts but it is still her choice to get bigger breasts or not. I think I handled this issue very maturely.

Stop working, get food.

Title: Free school meals changes 'could discourage work'

Subject: Planned changes to the free school meals (FSM) system could put thousands of low-income families in England off working, a charity says.

Web address: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-17765533

Date: 19 April 2012 Last updated at 11:23 GMT

Summary

A Universal Credit in 2013 will allow kids from low income families to get free school meals. The Children’s Society says that thousands of families may choose to work less to qualify as such. Children’s Minister Sarah Teather said that there should be changes to how free school meals are allocated. This would also change which schools get extra funds to provide said free school meals. Parents would be able to work less and lower their income to reach a yearly income of 7500 pounds or less to give their kids the chance to live of free school meals.

Opinion

I personally don’t see how people would even think of lessening their work just because their children are being fed without them having to pay for it. It’s not as if they don’t need food for themselves or clothes or money for the rent. So how would not having to pay for those two sandwiches or one warm meal a day influence their work hours? I think people would still want their “pocket-money” and a free meal for their kids probably won’t change that. But then again, people have done weirder things.

No funny pictures here, sorry for that.

Kill without consequence

Title: British soldier will not be charged over killing of Afghan

Subject: A british soldier gets away guilt free because there is not enough evidence to prove murder

Web address: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/apr/16/british-soldier-not-charged-afghan-murder

Date: Monday 16 April 2012 15.50 BST

Summary

Duane Knott, a member of the Territorial Army, came under investigation after shooting an Afghan man six times of which two shots were to the back. He suspected the Afghan to be a terrorist as he saw the man digging a hole in a field 400 meters away from the army base and reaching for a packet which looked like it contained bombs. The Service Prosecuting Authority (SPA) has concluded that there is not enough evidence present to prove that it was a case of murder instead of a prevention of terrorism.

Opinion

I will not get too far into the whole Afghan war stuff, I know we’re supposed to support the “western” forces but I just don’t know. It’s all a bit too complicated. As for shooting a man in the back, there’s not honour in that but then there is no honour in modern warfare. I do feel that the Afghan man deserved a chance to try to explain himself and his actions. If he hadn’t tried to talk but still would have gone for the package the British soldier could’ve shot to kill for all I care. What I find a bit weird is that there was no evidence at all. There is no information about the “package”, I’d like to know what it contained.

                      Seemed appropriate, and I didn't want to make a package joke

Beating – Monkey dick! - Tourette’s

Title: Tourette's Syndrome: A heroic response

Subject: A woman’s life with tourette’s syndrome

Web address: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/tourettes-syndrome-a-heroic-response-7648085.html

Date: Tuesday 17 April 2012

Summary
Jess Thom is a woman who battles her Tourette’s syndrome (TS) by putting on a hero costume. She first noticed the TS when she was 6 years old and it has gotten worse since up to a point of her having to wear protective gear to protect her from her own physical TS fits. Her TS fits mostly consist of blurting out random sentences that at times can be quite poetic. She founded Touretteshero with her friend Matthew Pounty. Touretteshero aims to increase awareness for TS by posting her blurts online and inviting artists to make pictures describing those blurts. Jess says: “It's about changing the view of people with disabilities as victims or scroungers and seeing them as professionals, whilst having a sense of humour about it."

Opinion

I find that Jess Thom is a very brave woman for coping with a worsening disease that she has next to no control over. Using humour in the process is a technique advised by many a psychologist (own experience) and she does so expertly going to the point of giving the words she said to unknown artists to toy with. My favourite blurts would be:  "Lego is for life, not just for Christmas" and "Derren Brown is in the room – shut your mind!" Because Lego is awesome and Derren Brown is an evil man.

No Bounty for Obama

Title: Labour peer denies calling for bounty on Barack Obama

Subject: Lord Ahmed denies wanting to pay 10 million for “catching” of Obama

Web address: http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/apr/16/labour-peer-denies-obama-remarks

Date: Monday 16 April 2012 18.45 BST

Summary

Lord Ahmed denies having said that he wants to put a price of 10 million on Obama’s head which he allegedly said after the announcement of a 10 million bounty put on the head of Hafiz Saeed. Ahmed claims that he has not been given a chance to give his views. The Express Tribune claims that Ahmed has said the following: “If the US can announce a reward of $10m for the capture of Hafiz Saeed, I can announce a bounty of £10m on President Obama and his predecessor George Bush." Ahmed denies having said that but admits that he has stated that Bush and Blair should be brought before international court for their alleged war crimes in Afghanistan.

Opinion

A 10 million bounty (I presume that would be in pounds) sounds pretty nice. Seeing as 57 gram standard bounty costs about 50 pence a 10 million pound bounty (that’s pounds as in price not as in weight) would weigh roughly 114000 kilograms, which would probably convert to a hundred thousand kilograms of coconut goodness and fourteen thousand pounds of chocolate covering. I see why a British lord would deny the USA president such a treat. But then again, Obama is probably a Snickers guy.

                               Obama after being denied a giant bounty

I feel that I might have misunderstood the article.

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